This pretty well speaks for itself

“Men should be offended when someone claims that women should prevent rape by not going certain places or acting a certain way.

That line of thinking presumes that you are incapable of control.  That you are so base and uncivilized that it takes extraordinary amount of effort for you to walk down the street without raping someone that you require certain dress code to be maintained, that certain behaviors be employed so that maybe today, just maybe, you won’t rape someone.

It presumes that your natural state is rapist.”

My jaw is still on the floor

I sat through a guest lecturer on HIV/AIDS and other STIs today.  I’d post a full recap, because it was an adventure, but I’m not going to.  I’ll just share with you one gem.

My guest lecturer was an HIV positive 29 year old who is pursuing his phD in public health.  He’s worked at free STI clinics in San Francisco and while he worked at those clinics he would purposely give the frequent flyers in this clinic more painful shots than those who weren’t frequent flyers.

I won’t count the ethical problems with this, but I will invite you to think about how this correlates to slut shaming.

 

God Damned Despicable

This is god damned despicable.

They know it’s creepy hence the title “creep shots,” and I think they think that absolves them of all responsibility, because they admit it right?  No, no it doesn’t.  It makes it worse,  they know what their doing is wrong and they just don’t care.

These people who take these pictures of these young women are objectifying, terrifying, and illegal(I think.)

 

 

The Real Problem with Slut-Shaming

I was in the grocery store last week and it was 90+ degrees.  I was wearing shorts and a tank top.  As I’m shopping, I hear this woman stop her 11 year old daughter, point to me, and say “We don’t dress like that.  It’s shameful.”

I have no problem with your choice to dress yourself.  I have no problem with your wishes for your daughter to dress modestly.  I do have a problem with you stopping, pointing, and then announcing to the whole store that I am shameful.  It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing(or not wearing), you have no right to call me shameful.  I could walk through the store in full on bondage gear, and you don’t have the right to point, stare, or talk behind my back.  I could walk through the store in stripper garb and you don’t have the right to point, stare or talk behind my back.

I think most people would agree that pointing out anyone in the grocery store as “shameful” is actually shameful in itself, but what I don’t understand is why it’s magically appropriate to do on the internet.

To anyone who doesn’t believe me or agree with me:  Wait until you’re the girl who is “shameful” or your daughter is the girl who is “shameful.”  Because it’ll happen no matter how good you are, and you’ll realize how hurtful it is when someone else is trying to impress their morality upon your morality.  You’ll realized how far we need to go as a society.  I just hope you realize it before you’re the slut, because no one enjoys being the slut.

Girl, Did you know…

Saw this on facebook.  I’ve got some opinions about this.  But these pictures pretty much tell it for me.  I totally tried to post them, but it got all fucked up.  So click here. 

I did respond to her facebook post though, as any sex positive person should and here is my actual response:

“Hey, did you know that we have enough problems with men slut shaming us that women really don’t need to do it to each other?

Seriously, what you’re doing is much more offensive that some girls boobs hanging out of her shirt.”

Click Here for the FB comments, if you’re interested.

Click me for an even more charming graphic this young lady put together.

Submissives Bill of Rights (Stolen from Tumblr)

You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it.

As a submissive you are not less than any other human being and you bring something special to a relationship. A dominant needs your submission in order to be able to play or interact in a D/s relationship. You have the right to be treated with the respect for that special trait of submission you possess. As a slave you also deserve respect, but it would be seen as a privilege if and when your owner decides to give you the respect for your submission at any stage. You have no right to demand it in that circumstance.

You have the right to be proud of what you are.

As a submissive or slave you have the right and the duty to be proud of who you are. You need never feel shame for this ever again and should never allow anyone to diminish who or what you are.

You have the right to feel safe.

You have this right irrespective or whether you are submissive or slave. You have the choice as a slave to choose someone who will make you feel safe as this is your sole choice and you need never be in a position where fear is all you know. If you are, this means you have no one to blame but yourself for not choosing the right dominant and for not leaving when you find that this is his or her style of dominance. If you are in a position where you are being held against your will, you need to find a way of escape or indicating distress at the first available opportunity.

You have the right to your emotions and feelings.

As a submissive you have a right to your own feelings and to express them. It does not matter whether they are positive or negative, they need to be discussed whenever they happen for you. Submission does not work in the absence of communication. As a slave you have no right to withhold this from your master or mistress. That person cannot control your life and make good decisions that will not harm you if you do not share the feelings you are feeling.

You have the right to say NO.

We should change this to: You have the right to use a safe word. No never means that a dominant or master will stop anything – remember we tell them to ignore us when we use that word? It is your responsibility to make sure that you do not do anything you do not want to. Slaves should discuss negative feelings or experiences with something with their master or mistress in a respectful way. The idea is not to be harmed, but to communicate openly. Slaves also need to make sure that activities they do no enjoy are not part of a respective master’s kinks so that this does not happen frequently.

You have the right to expect happiness in life.

Remember that you chose this lifestyle because you weren’t happy with people who did not know how to handle your submission? Remember that you discovered great joy when you found out that you are not just needy or codependent? You have the right to enjoy this lifestyle and feel all the joy you are getting. It took guts to admit your submission and you are allowed to pick the fruits of honesty.

You have the right to have input in a relationship.

You have the right to communicate openly and honestly and to have say in any relationship – a relationship by definition is a two way street and should never be one sided. You need to make sure that you make your needs known and that you make sure that you are always present in the relationship. Slaves also have this right but they exercise the right when they choose a dominant or master or mistress. Your needs, desires and wants should be discussed in detail before any collar is placed around your neck.

You have the right to belong.

As a submissive you finally can exercise this right. You are now in a family of people who feel the same way you do and who understand who and what you are. You will belong to that special dominant soon or may already belong to someone. Slaves and submissives alike both have that right.

You have the right to be loved and to love.

You have the right to be loved for your submission and to love the person who will control your life and use you to serve them. Love is something that happens in most D/srelationships contrary to what you might have heard. Love also makes you submission bloom. Remember that slaves sometimes have different ideas of what love looks like. They might want someone who humiliates and hurts them and does objectify them. To them that might show love. Never look down on what others perceive as love and celebrate the differences.

You have the right to be healthy.

I would love to change this to you have a duty to be healthy. Health is a requirement for slaves and this is not negotiable. You have to make sure that you are in a healthy relationship and that you do not get abused. If you are, the entire community will rally to your aid should you request it.

You have the right to practice safe sex.

This is really self evident or it should be. You have a right to remain healthy, but you also have a responsibility to ensure that any sexual partners you may come into contact with can trust you to be responsible sexually and to not be the carrier of a nasty sexually transmitted disease.

Source

For more about this Click Here.

As seen on reddit: Abortion

Click me. 

If I ever needed an abortion, I’d hope to god I had exactly what this young woman has.  I’d hope that my partner would do pretty much exactly that.

I’d honestly probably make the same decision she did, to the T.  I’d probably not tell him until I had made my final decision and I don’t think there is any shame or blame in that.

 

A Few Notes on Modesty

I’ve been highly critical of modesty in the past and today I was reminded of what bullshit modesty is.

Guidelines from Pure Fashion

-Undergarments can do a good job of protecting modesty during the warm summer months.
– Try an extra lined bra for the months when it is too warm to dress in layers.
-Choose a bra that has a little padding in the event of a chill

Really?  Why are we fixating on the fact that part of a nipples anatomical function is to get erect?  Why is it a problem and why do we need to fix it?

Guidelines from Modesty: The Forgotten Virtue

-If an article of clothing is difficult to get into or get out of, it isn’t modest.

There are a fuckton of things in my closet that are hard to get in or out of that most people would classify as modest.  Bras, for instance.  I frequently stumble when putting on pants, or hoodies.

” I have two precious girls at home and I don’t want them to be meat for some guy’s eyes.”- a quote from her blog.  I have a huge problem with this quote, not because being modest is inherently bad, because it isn’t.  But when you put the responsibility on girls to not be stared at by boys, that’s totally backwards.  Teach your boys to not stare at girls like a piece of meat rather than teach your girls to dress modestly to avoid being seen like a piece of meat.

I repeat what I said earlier, modesty isn’t in itself bad.  The personal decision to dress modestly, whatever modestly means for you is not bad.  It is when institutions enforce modesty as part of their moral code when it becomes bad.  Because when modesty becomes moral code, being immodest begins to look a whole lot like slut shaming.