Archive for March, 2012


We don’t need your Jesus.

I am a student at a large, well known, four year, public university that hails from the midwest USA.  We are nationally known for our parties and internationally known for our research and our academics.

My hometown is (regrettably) home to a small private Christian university.  It is a bigoted, homophobic, misogynistic institution.  Today they were on my beautiful college campus evangelizing to us.

Hear this.  We don’t need your god.  Your god is a misogynistic, sexist, homophobic and anti-women’s reproductive rights asshole and we don’t want or need it our campus or in our town.  The town you call home doesn’t need your god either.  Maybe your god needs a makeover or something.



This describes my day.



So my mother is a librarian. She’s been a librarian since forever.  Her undergrad degree is in english and she has a masters in education.  She brings home about 31k a year give or take.  I have this school project and I have to interview two people one highly paid, one lowly paid.  We define the highly paid and lowly paid variables.  So this is a conversation I had with my mom today

me: So, you’re gonna laugh but I need a favor.  I have this school project where I have to interview a highly paid person and a lowly paid person…and you’re my highly paid person.

Mom:  How much does the lowly paid person make then?  Christ, I feel sorry for them.



Class was awful.  My incompetent mens health professor made us debate the issues of sex before marriage, masturbation and prostitution.  To be very clear, I am not in favor of saving myself before marriage, and I am in favor of decriminalizing and regulating prostitution and I do very much love masturbating.
Most memorable was the discussion over masturbation.  My instructor used a fictional student that could have been any of the girls in the room and the boys in the room girlfriends.  A 20 something coed who uses a vibrator to masturbate daily.  That’s me.  I am a 20 something coed who uses a vibrator (or three) to masturbate daily.  She started reading outdated literature that referred to masturbation as self abuse and talked about the numerous old wives tales connected to masturbation(hairy palms, going blind, ect)  and either didn’t care to or didn’t know that a student cited bad information when he said that masturbating can make (fertile) men infertile.   My instructor suggested that people who masturbate to relieve stress aren’t healthy and that there are healthier options, like going for a run.One particularly annoying thing that was said was “what if my partner masturbates so much that (s)he passes up sex with me?”  I’ve never known in my own relationships, or my friends relationships for that to happen, when the relationship was working anyway. The only times I’ve heard or seen that happen are when the relationship isn’t working for one or both parties.  Masturbation and sex accomplish different things. Masturbation accomplishes usually accomplishes an orgasm, the completion of “me” time, and stress relief.  Having sex with a partner can be just the act of orgasming, but I think that more often it’s the coming together of coupledom.  A union, becoming one or whatever.  It’s an expression of how you feel towards each other. So if your partner is using, “I just masturbated.” as an excuse not to have sex then it’s time to look at your relationship rather than curse the evils of self pleasure.  Such an excuse used often is a symptom of a failing relationship, not the reason a relationship is failing.

You’re teaching a class woman.  Use up to date information.  Don’t perpetuate old myths about masturbation; the catholic church does enough of that and they don’t need your help.  Teach that masturbation is generally accepted as a healthy alternative to other sexual activity.  Yeah,  you’ll have the wackos who think ALL sexual activity, including masturbating, should be saved for marriage, but fuck them.  They don’t matter.  Don’t demonize those who choose to masturbate to relieve stress. It’s as valid a form of stress relief as going for a run.
Also in class we did a sexual values anonymous questionnaire and afterwards she asked us where we stood on specific questions.  I think that is in incredibly poor taste.  In fact, I can’t decide which is poorer in taste, demonizing masturbation or asking us to share our answers on the anonymous form.
I think the real problem with demonizing masturbation is that by demonizing something as accepted as masturbation you shut down all the conversation to talk about other sex acts that might be beneficial to discuss.
In fact, all this talk of masturbating makes me want to go masturbate, so I’ll catch you guys some other time

Signs things aren’t going well:When all your friends think your romantic relationship is a bad idea.

Signs things aren’t going well: When all your friends think your romantic relationship is a bad idea.

Seriously, if none of your friends think your romantic-ish relationship is a good idea, it probably isn’t.  Your friends aren’t out to get you or rain on your parade or whatever.  Most of the times when they reach out and tell you you’re walking into the firepit they’re going out on a limb. 
Do everyone who went out on a limb for you and don’t slap them in the face by ignoring the advice and concern they expressed to you.  Or worse yet, don’t tell people what you think they want to hear and do the opposite.
In other news, I’m done.  Crash and burn all you want, and when you crash and burn, I will have a song and dance prepared that says “I told you so.”  


I don’t exactly know how to blog about this.  My favorite grandmother died last spring, April 7th to be exact.  It’s been almost a year, and I still miss her every day. I haven’t written publicly about this yet.  I haven’t known how.  I don’t even know if this is how I want to do it.

When I was 14ish, she was dating again after my grandfathers death.  We were all sitting at a restaurant and she had a photo her and her boyfriend together.  For one reason or another I didn’t want to see it and I remember her saying, “fine, I’ll never look at a photo of your boyfriend” in jest.  She never got to.  By the time my first serious boyfriend rolled around there was no point to introduce him as such, or to show her a picture.

In 2008, she was diagnosed with Alziemers.  I was a freshman in college and buried myself in my new friends and everything that was going on around me to avoid it.  I’d visit her when I was home.  The first year or so of her illness were almost easy, for me anyway.  I should acknowledge that I wasn’t in on most of the things that happened in this timespan.  No one really told me much, looking back, I think I was probably better for it.  Mom and I visit her when I was home and we’d talk about church news mostly, occasionally my school.  In 2009, she moved farther north, closer to my Aunt.  Mom and I found more time to visit than we had before, we knew it was more important than ever.

March of 2011, I was out of town when my grandmother took a turn for the worse, a serious turn.  She was in hospice care at this point.  Upon getting back to town at my fathers, my then boyfriend picked me up and we went straight to my moms as opposed the apartment we shared.  After this visit we started this cycle, I came home every single weekend and sometimes midweek to visit.  I probably put almost 2000 miles on my car in this five or six week timespan.  In the eighteen months I owned that car I only put on about 10,000 miles on her, to give you some perspective of how little I drive.

One visit towards the end of march, it was most of the family.  My mother, two cousins, a cousins spouse, my aunt, myself and my grandmother all sitting in her tiny nursing home apartment.  On this day she was really with us. At this point when we’d visit, it was mostly talking to my aunt and reading the paper or a book while my grandmother slept in her chair.  But on this day she was really with us, we were all telling stories about growing up at her house and just family stories.  She was nodding and laughing with us as we told stories.  She was tracking the conversation in ways she hadn’t in a long time.

It’s been almost a year sense that day in her apartment.  She’ll be gone a year on April 7th. I still miss her everyday.  Facebook posts posted by my family about still send me into tears and when I found I inherited a fine china set, I’m pretty sure I was crying for an hour.

We started this process of dealing with Alzhiemers almost four years ago.  It was simultaneously harder than I could have imagined and easier than what I had been told. We counted our blessings at the end because she knew us til the end, because we had the worlds best hospice workers, and because most of my family realized the importance of rallying around each other at this time.


Where long distance online dating fails

I am not a fan of online, long distance dating, for anyone.  I want to be clear, I’m not against meeting partners online, or having online friends.  Just long distance online dating, and of course how you define long distance might be different than how I define long distance.

You can learn a lot about someone through Skype chats, phone calls, IM and texting.  You can learn the kind of food they like to eat, how they like their eggs, how they wear their hair.  You can even learn how often they shave their face and wash their hair.  You can learn enough to know that you have the potential to be really awesome romantic and sexual partners.

You can’t learn how your partner likes to be kissed(or how to kiss) or touched, how you can most effectively make them orgasm, if you two even mesh well in the bedroom.(Don’t tell me that how you mesh, or don’t mesh in the bedroom doesn’t matter.  It totally matters!) You can’t know if you like their scent, or how their scent will mesh with your scent.  You can’t know if you and your partner will function well together in the same living space, share a bathroom, or share household responsibilities smoothly.

In short, I’m against online long distance dating for the same reason this author is against online bdsm. I real life dating is an important social construct.  It teaches us the things we can’t stand in romantic/sexual partners.  It forces us to learn lessons we wouldn’t learn otherwise.  The resulting heartbreak is fuel for finding a better person next time and our exes typically make for good stories after the sting is gone.