Kinkster Observations

Observations from my kinky life: kinky sex stresses the point of talking about sexual expectations before the act itself. More vanillas should do that(not that the world is evenly split between vanillas and kinksters, but that isn’t the point)

Things I wish I knew as a teenager

1) You aren’t weird.  Well, that’s a lie.  You are weird.  But you’re the good kind of weird.

2) You actually have the best mom in the world.

3) Your dad tries his best.  His best is just different than everyone elses.

4) Don’t be so fearless.  You aren’t obligated to make all your own mistakes.  Some of them have already been made and you don’t have to do it too.

5) Don’t accept comfort as a substitute for passion. They aren’t the same thing…at all.

6) The first time he hits you, leave.  It isn’t ok just because you’re dating and you made him mad, not even by a longshot.

7)  You being kinky that doesn’t make you weird.  You just need to find your niche.  Embrace it.  It’s a huge part of who you are and influences you outside the bedroom for the better.

8 ) Don’t apologize for your kinks just because they aren’t mainstream.

9)  Never apologize for taking charge of your health, even if it means awkward, uncomfortable questions.

10) Pick the older men in your life very carefully.  Never let then make you feel like less just because you’re younger.

11)  You don’t owe anyone just because they make more than you or are older than you.

12)  Don’t settle for just passion, dedication, or comfort.  You need all three, in equal parts.

13)  Talking about expectations relating to sex is awkward, but it does get easier, and it’s so worth it.

Exposed

I’ve been potentially exposed to a cancer causing strain of HPV. I am not immune, I am not a superhero who can’t be hit. My partner Captain, had sex with someone who has recently been diagnosed with HPV.

To say that I’m unconcerned would be a lie. To say that I think I need a drink would also be a lie, because I both need a drink and am concerned. I love Captain, not in the marry him and have his babies kind of love- but I do love him. I do think my life would be much less good without him in it, besides we owe it to good sex to keep having sex together.

This exposure puts everyone in an awkward position. There is no test for HPV if you don’t have the sometimes accompanying warts. Is he obligated to tell his other partners that he has been exposed, even though it was four or five months ago? (worth noting: HPV is usually naturally cleared from the body in two years. Often times less) Am I obligated to tell my partners that might have been exposed? I don’t know.

I know that the transmission rates for HPV are very small for the male penetrative partner in penis-in-vagina sex. I also know that as someones partner- I’d like to know. But it all circles back to that Captain doesn’t know and it isn’t for lack of trying or because he’s dirty and uneducated. It’s because there is no test for people in his circumstances.

I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. This isn’t clean, or easy for anyone. I know that I’m almost vaccinated for the big cancer causing strands of HPV and that Captain and I will be using condoms until I’m fully vaccinated. I don’t know if I’ll be giving any new partners a heads up that I may have come in contact with it.

I do know that this doesn’t make me, or Captain or even the person who exposed Captain dirty or unclean.  It doesn’t give them license to think any less of them, or me, or anyone else who may have or has been exposed.