I hate fucking up.  That is all.

 

My secondary.

I wrote earlier about my secondary and how much I love them and I’ve just been thinking a lot about them recently and I think that our arrangement might be…strange, even for people in our lifestyle.  I’ve been seeing my secondary since April, almost 8 months.  Jesus christ.  Welp, here is to us.  He is my current longest running sexual partner and I’m like 95% sure I’m his.

He’s important to me, and one of the things about him is that he’s really good at reading people, like scary good.  If he says something isn’t right, something isn’t right.  What I was thinking about was, when/if he meets potential primary partners of mine, if he were to pull me aside and tell me that he wasn’t right for any reason, I’d say OK and my relationship with this potential primary would almost certainly be over.

Because for Captain to tell me this means that he is 110% sure that this guy has something fundamentally, imminently wrong with him and he is bad, bad news.  This information would not be shared lightly.  So when I was pondering if it was weird or not that my secondary has so much power over my primary and it might be weird in the big picture polyamory, I don’t think it’s weird for Captain and I.  Because like The Captain, I’m also scary good at reading people and know that if it came to telling him that I was concerned about one of his new relationships, he’d listen and he’d appreciate what I was saying and go from there. 

Weird or not, we are us and we’ll keep being us until it stops working.

 

I just had the single most amazing orgasm ever.  That is all.

 

The Gift of Being Second.

I’ve been sort of struggling recently with being second, or rather my lack of a primary right now.  See I haven’t written about this too much, but I do have my poly tendencies, for better or for worse.  And this writing just really made me think.  It sort of exemplifies why I’m poly, I think.

I’ve been absent a primary partner for a couple months now and I’d be lying if I said I’ve handled it with grace the whole time.  I love being someones primary.  Someone who will drop everything for you because you need them or you need them to do something for you is amazing feeling and it’s really irreplaceable.  But really most people will have a primary, most people will have that amazing, irreplaceable partner. But the secondary relationships, they’re where the magic happens.

I show up to my secondary’s apartment, or he shows up to mine and nine times out of ten, we make dinner, curl up on the couch and watch tv til bedtime and then we go have sex and sleep and in the morning we part ways with a hug or a kiss or both.  We don’t usually talk about our shitty bosses, the fact that some guy or girl dumped us this week, or the fight we had with our primaries/other secondaries.  If we do, then we’re both in the same boat and it’s a pretty short conversation that consists of “You know what, me too.”  And god, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.  We both have relatively abnormal love lives, and the singular commonality over our non mainstream love lives.  There is nothing else like it.  I am his, and he is mine, at least for the night and it’s perfect.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I hope to god he feels the same.

If you can skip the jealousy, the secondary relationship is so much easier in many ways.  We don’t have commitments to each other about kids, pets, or how to pay the bills.  We don’t fight about the cost of his new car, or how I forgot to do the dishes before I left for work. Our relationship is just easy.  But being easier doesn’t make it less important or disposable.   Our relationship, while being easy, is just as complicated as every other relationship. It has layers, and complexities all it’s own and challenges to work through.

You’re second, true, but you are not last, and you sure as hell aren’t a consolation prize.

Here is to being  second, to the unique ride of being second.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

A note about the ads you may see!

It’s come to my attention that you lot may see ads from time to time on some posts because I’m too poor to pay for the “no ads upgrade.”  If you see anything that isn’t appropriate, or within the sort of atmosphere that I’m seeking to create with this space, Please, please screen shot them, make a note of the time and date you saw the ad and add a comment to the post.  

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UK Rats Becoming Immune to poison.

Article linked here.

My first reaction upon starting to read this article was “awwwww look at the rat!  he’s so cute.  I bet he was mid yawn!”  Probably not the desired reaction. 

But that isn’t what I was actually going to talk about.  This immunity to poison isn’t a surprise, well it shouldn’t be.  Be exposed to enough of a poisonous substance and you’ll grow a tolerance (think alcohol) the fact that their even thinking about using stronger poisons is madness to me.  It’s like antibiotics.  You have a finite period of time that X chemical will be effective against  Y pest and beyond that they’ll grow a resistance to it.

If they actually want to undo these “super rats”, or get rid of them they should stop using poisons all together and explore other means of exterminating them.