Ahhh okcupid.

Him:hi

Me:hey

Him:so i see your very sexually open im wanting a fwb situation tonight would you be open for some good fun

Me:well…that isn’t really what I’m looking for

Him:what are you looking ofr

Me:I’m poly, I’m looking for poly people.

Him:well im poly just single right now

Me:your questions say otherwise.

Me:according to your questions you aren’t interested in open relationships.

Him:i am into open relationships, i have never had one yet

Him:so its something i cant say im into i havent triend it , however im open to it

Me:So thats why when you answered “would you consider having an open relationship?” you said “No” and added a comment “see other people, thats ackward”

Him:that was a while back, i kinda got turned on to the idea

Man, I believe him.  Don’t you?  He surely has no reason to lie.

I’m not asking for it.

I’ve gotten the same cheesey pick up line 12315343 times this month on my OK cupid profile, and when I call these guys out for their bad pick up line, their reasoning behind throwing it out there is always, always, always “Well, you are asking for it.  What did you expect to happen?”

If when pressed, your reasoning for doing something is  “She’s asking for it.  What does she expect?”  You should think about who else uses that reason and grow a better one.

Funny Craigslist Ad!

The following is the text from a craigslist ad of a man looking for kinky sex.

“I’ve always wanted a girl who wants me to tie her down and play with her. I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask any of the girls I have dated. I am an attractive guy, a grad student, and I am in good shape, and I’m not into weird stuff. I am attracted to petite women of all ages and races. If being tied down and controlled in a non-dangerous way is a fantasy you have, send me a message. Or any other fantasies for that matter. I’m curious as to what types of fantasies girls have. I am very open minded. Send me a message if you are at all interested.”

Welp.  He isn’t into weird stuff, he’s out.  No sense in emailing him, cause lord knows, I’m into weird stuff.

Welp

The gods of cough syrup have released their judgment on me.  Keep your fingers crossed I feel less like death come the morning.

Online Dating: You’re doing it wrong.

Sorry the picture is so small.  Click it to make it bigger.  Anyway, this charmer who I’ll call “wannabegangster478.”  I don’t really have a whole lot to say about this profile, because it mostly speaks for itself.

I’d like to draw special attention to his profession, his interests, and the line “i have only ****ed 4 woman my whole life i have alot of respect for my self… ”

 

Online Dating Faux Paus

I’m a member of an online dating site that I really don’t use ever, but occasionally I get messages.
Anyway today I got a message from someone I’ll call “F-150_86.”  The F-150 is an oversized american made truck, if you didn’t know that.  Now let me tll you what that user name gives me a mental image of.  A boy who drives and has entirely too much pride in his oversized vehicle to make up for his small penis.  Now with that mental image stuck in my head, do you really want me to message you back?

 

 

Things that aren’t attractive:Illiteracy

Read some online dating profiles this morning for shits and giggles and I saw under someones favorite book listed as “I hate reading.”

That is probably the most unsexy thing I ever read on dating profiles.  Surely, there is some book you have read and enjoyed in your entire life.  One book you can intelligently discuss.  Surely.

 

 

Has Kids. Doesn’t want them

This is a status about children on an online dating site.  I wonder if there is an option for “has kids, but doesn’t want them.” Now that option wouldn’t attract very many dates, but it’d be a damn honest option for lots of people.