15
Aug
12

I am not normal.

I’m not normal.  I was a cutter in high school.  I have psychological quirks that create some unique limits and potential situations that need to be discussed with any and all play partners before we play and I wouldn’t change it for a second.  After starting the conversation about my psychological quirks some people run for the hills, and that’s ok, in fact that’s desirable reactions.

I’m clean and normal nine times out of ten.  The other one time out of ten, I’m a little shaky my headspace isn’t normal and I get through it by employing different stress relief techniques.  But I have this conversation with these potential play partners because it’s important, because by domming me, they accept responsibility for me, and they need to know what exactly they’re taking responsibility for.  I need to know that if we choose to do things that might trigger the one out of ten response, that they can check my headspace specifically for that kind of issue and if they can’t engage in conversation about it, then they really can’t be trusted to check my headspace.  Broaching the topic in itself is a pass/fail test.

I wouldn’t change it.  It’s part of me, and will probably always be to a certain degree.  It doesn’t mean I can’t be subby, it means I can’t be subby with people who don’t have brains, and I wouldn’t want to be subby with them anyway.

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