08
Aug
12

Kinky Consent/Subby Thoughts

No means no.  Period, right?  Except when it doesn’t.  I’m a kinky person, which you know unless you have the IQ of about 25, and in a lot of ways being a kinky person has really forced me to analyze my feminist-ey views and come to terms with how being a feminist fits in with being a submissive female. The biggest and most central issue in this search was consent.

We’re taught our entire lives not to be a doormat and not to let people use and abuse us, and we shouldn’t.  But there is a fine line between being a doormat and being a sub, or being an abuser and a dominant, but it’s a really clear line.  It’s called consent.  I don’t consent to be a doormat when I sub.  I don’t consent to anything and everything under the sun.  I have limits and I have dislikes and I am vocal about my limits and dislike; and beyond that things that don’t fall into either category that I’m also vocal about.  I consent to submitting.  I agree that I’ll say “yes,sir” to what is asked of me in scene because I am comfortable that I have communicated my limits and dislikes and that there is a bigger picture I can’t see, probably because my brain has turned to subby mush and the feisty, devious streak I normally carry with me falls to the sidelines.

I don’t love and adore every single thing that happens to me while being subby.  I love most of it, but mostly,  I love the nuances that come out.  I love the shades of submission.  I love the different atmospheres that the different shades of submission bring out.  I love the different sides of people that play brings out and I reallly love being manipulated into subby goo.  I love how complex it is, even though the complexity can make it difficult.  I love how intricate conversations get while you’re attempting to hash out limits and terms.  Ooh I got a bit rambley there.  Back to my point, right.  I don’t love and adore every single thing I do while being subby.  I really dislike parts of it, but consent to do it for the love of submitting, because it’s absolutely worth it in the big picture.

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1 Response to “Kinky Consent/Subby Thoughts”


  1. August 8, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I’m not exactly a full time submissive or anything, but I totally get what you say in your final paragraph.


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