04
Apr
12

Responsibilities of a Dominant

***Dominants have so many responsibilities. I so couldn’t do it.

Doms are responsible to make sure their subs are comfortable and secure in the relationship and make adjustments as needed.  If a sub goes to their dom and expresses concerns or discomfort with the arrangement it is the doms responsibility to work with the sub to make adjustments as needed(and this is why I think multiple sub doms have to be super on point. I mean, if sub A needs more time, but giving sub A more time means taking time from sub B, C, and D…)

Safety.  Safety.  Safety.  Doms are responsible for checking all the physical (clamps, ropes, circulation issues)and emotional safety(headspace, subspace, subdrop) stuff in play.  A dominant needs to think with his head rather than with his penis in scene.  He needs the ability to push his subs buttons(in a good way!), push her to be a better sub and keep a cool head at the same time.

Aftercare!  Aftercare is probably my favorite part of kink.  Aftercare is comfort and debriefing measures performed after a scene/task is done. Cleaning and putting away toys or rope, tending to any bruises or wounds, talking about the scene, discussing favorite things they did, new things they tried, or something they want to add to the menu, cuddling or showering together.  Aftercare is truly unique to each individual D/s coupledom. Ask five different kinksters what their aftercare routine is and you’ll (probably) get five different answers.

 Dominants, always make sure your girls know that you are proud of them. Show them that you appreciate what they do for you, what they endure for you. The worst feeling in the world is giving your all to someone who won’t even give a simple praise in return.

Just look at her and say, “Good girl. I’m proud of you.” Send her notes, pictures, anything that says, “Thank you for being mine and striving so hard to please me.”

Even if she’s fucked something up. Don’t just tell her how awful it is, or bad she’s disappointed you. Tell her that it can be better, because she is better. Tell her that you don’t love her less or appreciate her less simply because she’s screwed up. Make sure she understands that you love her faults as much as the good.

Just make sure she isn’t falling apart inside while you continue to tell her how upset you are. For a submissive, that is something almost impossible to repair.

-stolen from a tumblr-

Don’t underestimate the damage that dumbinants can cause.

**this is written from a very heteronormative point of view.  Feel free to change personal pronouns as needed.
***this is is not exhaustive, but rather a good launching point.

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